Two is better than one: why you should tackle your mum journey with a BFF

By Tegan Martin and Brooke Nash

While there is a plethora of books you can turn to while pregnant, there’s no cookie cutter guide on how to navigate parenthood. A whole lot of love and support is required, from friends and family, and in speaking with a pair of adult besties it’s only confirmed why you should tackle your mum journey with a great girlfriend on hand. Former Miss Universe Australia, Model and TV Presenter, and MACROS Ambassador, Tegan Martin, tells us how and why she’s stepped into this role recently too…

“Approaching 30 this year, it has been interesting to watch a somewhat subtle yet obvious divide between my friends with bubs and friends who have not yet reached that stage of their life. I have had friends tell me since having a baby they feel like certain friends have pulled away, which, as a woman without children myself, I find quite sad! I suppose I hope that one day I’ll have a little one of my own and will be experiencing the very same love, fatigue, excitement and guilt that every new mum experiences, and I want to be around while my friends go through that for their first time too.

“When one of my best friends, Brooke Nash, had her first baby, I often wondered what she was experiencing as a mum for the very first time. I can imagine it’s daunting, isolating and downright exhausting, and so I always made my best effort to be that extra set of hands, eyes or ears she needs. Not only does it create a deeper connection with your friends but offering a helping hand with a load of washing or pushing the pram is a great way to show them you love and support them, when they’re already under so much pressure.

“For new mums and their besties, allow us to offer some advice on what we’ve learnt from entering motherhood as a duo:”

Choose to spend your time with friends that understand kids (or at least pretend to)

Tegan Martin “I’ve learnt not to feel disheartened if every visit with my friends with kids is not a deep and soulful catch up. Some days you don’t cover much ground, or sometimes their children are asleep and it feels like old times again. I spent the whole day with my GF Brooke recently and since she has a teething 10-month-old. I was expecting some serious tantrums! I couldn’t believe how incredible he was for the entire day. He was picking up on our relaxed energy, laughing with us and letting us chat away to catch up on the previous six months we had not seen each other.

“I have learned that when I visit my friends with children, to drop all expectations of what that may look like. In the meantime, I do my best to help wherever I can without my friends needing to ask, whether that’s whipping up some food or taking the bub from them so they can get a few things done. When I leave, I always feel good about that tiny bit of relief I have been able to provide for them.”

Brooke Nash “One thing I’ve found quite interesting after becoming a mum is some of your friends without kids just get it… and some just don’t. Tegan is one of my friends that just gets it. A simple coffee date or walk by the beach isn’t what it use to be before kids. I can tell she understands that, which is so comforting for me as a new mum.”

Offer a helping hand without having to be asked

Tegan Martin “As someone who doesn’t have kids I think it’s hard for mums, especially new mums, to ask for help. I’ll admit I haven’t always been the best at anticipating this, but I’m really trying to do better especially since so many of my closest friends are having bubs! A quick text asking if they need anything from the shop, a coffee delivery or even helping change nappies when you’re visting. Sometimes we watch our friends feed, wipe down or push their bubs in the pram thinking we don’t want to take over something that it looks like they know how to do best, but most of the time I’ve found they are more than happy to hand for one of the six feeds that day!

“A little random tip and something I noticed recently with my best friend with a newborn, is how hard it is for them to keep up the same amount of attention for their dog. Some days just a short walk feels impossible, and it’s a great, simple task to offer to help with!”

Brooke Nash “One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt in becoming a mum is that it is okay to ask for help. Especially from those closest to you. Tegan’s been there for me always, from my pregnancy and the birth of Banksy, through to my second pregnancy.

“If you have a friend that has just had a baby, my advice would be – don’t wait for them to ask for help, just do it! Go over with a cooked meal or put a load of washing on for her while you’re visiting the new bub. I’ve found the best gift for any new mum are ready-made-meals. I love the MACROS meals, not only do they provide post-partum mums with the nutrition their body needs, but their convenience will also be a god-send for the whole family when the new bub arrives. She will appreciate it! I promise you that.”

For the mums: It’s okay to let go of control and allow your trusted friends to mind your little ones

Tegan Martin “This is a tricky one as I never want to cross any boundaries or make anyone feel uncomfortable by me offering to babysit! More recently, I have decided that if the offer is there and I repeatedly mention it (so they know I mean it), they will come to me for help when they are ready.

“I have a friend who is a single dad and recently he was stuck for an important work night, he needed a babysitter for his gorgeous 3-year-old for a day and night. Initially he was uncomfortable with the idea of me minding him for so long, but eventually he came around and his boy and I had the best time ever! He had my undivided attention for the entire weekend (because I’m not all fire-trucked and super-heroed out yet), and both had a blast. Moral of the story is always offer to help with your friends’ kids (if you have the time, of course) and sometimes know that it may take a teeny bit of reassurance that their kids are in good hands and everything will be ok.”

Brooke Nash “They say it takes a village to raise a child and it’s true. For me this has never been a problem, but I do know some mums struggle with letting people help. It’s so important to let your little ones interact with new faces and not only that, give yourself a well-deserved break!

“When it comes to tackling motherhood, especially as a new mum, it’s no easy feat. Accepting help from wherever you can is ideal, whether that may be walking the dog or some ready-made-meals, anything makes a difference. Remembering to surrender control to your friends and family from time to time is the best thing you can do for yourself and your bub.

“New mothers have enough pressure on themselves as it is, so stepping into your role as ‘Best Friend’ and offering that helping hand without them having to hint for it, will never go unappreciated!”

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