The most controversial parenting opinions raised on ‘Parental Guidance’

To smack, or not to smack

The most heated topic to come from the first episode of Parental Guidance was around the subject of smacking.

Strict parents, Andrew and Miriam admit they smack their three children, Luke, 12, Grace, 10 and Tim, five.

“We clearly set the boundaries and rules in the house. There are boundaries and there are consequences. You just can’t do whatever you want,” says Andrew.

“We do use smacking as a form of discipiline. We see a smack as one tool in the parenting tool box,” explains Miriam.

“A smack quickly communicates that (behaviour) is not ok,” reasons Andrew.

French-style parents Donna and Yann, who share a seven-year-old daughter, are visibly upset by their use of physical punishment.

“You’re violating someone else’s body,” Donna says. “We would never smack our child we feel very strongly about this, she’s a little child, we’re adults, it’s a form of abuse.”

Andrew went on to elaborate on why they smack.

“I was raised in a household with my parents, who smacked me, Miriam’s experience was the same, I do not hold any bitterness or resentment for them for that,” Andrew says.

While the group was not in favour of smacking, when Ally asked them to be honest and raise their hands if they’d ever smacked their child, it was concerning to see quite a few arms go up. Even attachment parenting mum, Lara raised her hand.

In their confessional, attachment parents, Lara and Andrew both say smacking is a “big fat no” in their house and they are “mortified” about Andrew and Miriam’s comments.

Dr Justin Coulson had the final say on the issue and says the idea that smacking is ok really needs to change.

“Smacking is a really divisive issue. Statistics tell us that around 50 per cent of Australians still think smacking is ok and frankly it really needs to change,” he says.

“The research is really clear, smacking does not serve our children well. It does not help them to grow or to develop. Just recently, there’s been new studies that have come out that talk about how harsh punitive parenting, including smacking, is associated with reduced brain size in children. There isn’t any evidence to support smacking as a useful parenting tool. It is one that does need to come out of the tool kit.

“We don’t need to hurt kids to teach them lessons. We need to help kids to learn to be better.

Disciplined parents empty a controversial old school tactic with their kids

‘Disciplined’ parents, Sue and Rob were not keen on smacking, but later admitted that they enforce a controversial form of discipline themselves.

If their sons have sworn or used abusive language, the couple admitted to using soap on their sons’ toothbrushes as a form pf punishment.

“I think that if there’s anything that we stick to in our house, it is that when you say there’s going to be a consequence, you actually have to follow through with it,” Sue said.

“If they use their words incorrectly, if they’re swearing, or if they’re using abusive or rude language, then an obvious consequence for that would be we actually do put a bit of soap on their toothbrush and brush their teeth with soap.”

Sue said that a form of discipline like washing her sons’ mouths out with soap was simply about helping them understand “that life has consequences”.

Sue went on to explain: “Whether they’re good or whether they’re bad, every action has a consequence. We just want our boys to understand that.”

Perhaps understandably, the choice was met with concern by most of the other parents in the room.

Parental Guidance resident parenting expert, Dr Justin Coulson offered that while Sue and Rob were using the word “consequence”, it was really just “a sugar-coated form of ‘punishment’”.

“Consequences and punishments are the same thing in this circumstance,” he explained.

“In fact, the research clearly says that when parents are more punitive, they increase the risk that their children will behave in delinquent ways.

“Research clearly shows that punishments in parenting don’t work. Whether it’s smacking or soap on a toothbrush, it creates shame, not lessons. In the long run, we get better behaved kids by taking the time to connect when they make mistakes,” he offered. “Just talk to them.”