School anxiety isn’t always obvious. Here’s what parents need to know
Anxiety can be a source of strength and pride.
Friendship drama, school stress and toilet worries – anxiety can show up in unexpected ways. Mum-of-two Jessica Rowe says it’s time we start talking about it.
School anxiety doesn’t always announce itself clearly. It can look like a sore tummy on the morning run, sudden tears at drop-off, or a child who seems fine all day and then unravels at home.
For many kids, especially in the early school years, they don’t have the language to explain what they’re feeling, they just show it in behaviour.
Helping your child through school anxiety
Friendship worries that feel bigger than they are
Friendships can be one of the biggest drivers of school anxiety. Whether it’s feeling left out, not knowing who to play with, or navigating playground ups and downs, these moments can feel enormous to a child.
What feels small to adults can sit heavily in a child’s world all day long. Keeping conversations open and low-pressure, and gently practising social scenarios at home, can help kids feel more equipped without adding pressure.
When learning starts to feel overwhelming
Even early classroom learning can trigger anxiety if a child is worried about getting things wrong. This might show up as avoidance, frustration, or a drop in confidence.
Reframing things around effort rather than outcome, and breaking tasks into smaller steps, can help take the pressure off. Staying connected with teachers also helps ensure support is consistent across home and school.
Learning how to ask for help
One of the most important skills children can build is also one of the hardest, asking for help. Whether it’s not understanding work or feeling overwhelmed, many kids don’t instinctively speak up.
Normalising simple phrases like “I need help” or “I don’t get this” at home can make a big difference to how confidently they navigate school challenges.
The anxiety no one talks about… school toilets
Some of the most overlooked school anxiety is around using the toilet at school.
Recent research from Kleenex reveals nearly half of Aussie kids (44%) aged 3–8 are “holding their poo” at school, driven by stress (25%) and hesitancy (24%) around using public toilets.
This can add another layer of anxiety for young children already navigating big school transitions.
To help normalise the conversation, Kleenex has partnered with author and mum of two Jessica Rowe to create a children’s book, I Can’t Wait! My First School Poo. The book is designed to gently open up conversations about school toilet worries before children start school.
As Jessica explains, “Starting school can be an overwhelming time for parents and their kids. There’s a lot to get your head around, including using the toilet at school!”
She adds: “Like a lot of kids, I don’t think I did a poo at school for most of the time I was there! Now, I think laughter can help with honest conversations to help our kids realise we all do it, and that it’s just a part of our everyday lives.”
The resource, developed in partnership with parenting expert Genevieve Muir, will be available for free across 120 early education centres, libraries and allied health professionals nationally.
When to seek help
Supporting a child with school anxiety isn’t about removing every worry, it’s about helping them feel seen, supported, and able to work through what comes up. Whether it’s friendship challenges, learning pressure, or those quieter everyday worries, small, steady conversations at home can make a big difference to how confidently they approach school.
If anxiety is ongoing or starting to impact daily life, it may be time to seek extra support. That could mean speaking with your child’s teacher or school wellbeing team, checking in with your GP or a child psychologist, or exploring parenting support services in your area.
The earlier support is put in place, the more confidently children can learn to manage their feelings and navigate school life.
