“We couldn’t find any sperm”: Luke McLeod on his emotional journey from infertility to fatherhood
Breaking the silence on male infertility.
When you’re trying for a baby, hope becomes a constant companion and heartbreak, an unexpected guest. For meditation teacher and soon-to-be dad Luke McLeod, what began as quiet optimism turned into a years-long fertility journey marked by confusion, grief and, ultimately, deep gratitude.
Now, Luke is opening up about the moment he learned he was infertile, how he and his wife navigated the emotional rollercoaster that followed, and the incredible path that led them to parenthood through donor conception.
The day we heard we couldn’t find any sperm
Can you take us back to when you first found out about your fertility challenges?
“When we first started trying, I just assumed it would happen fairly quickly. So when things weren’t happening, I didn’t panic at first. I thought, Okay, maybe it just takes a bit of time.
“But after a year, I just decided to go and do a sperm test. I didn’t want to just assume something was going on with my wife, so I just booked myself in. You can self-refer and it’s a very straightforward process. When I got my results back, I was really confused, like there must have been an error or something. I even called the lab for clarification, but they couldn’t discuss it with me and asked me to consult my doctor.
“Then came the emotions of finding a lump ‘down there’. Instant shock and dread washed over me when that happened. Thankfully, the lump only turned out to be a cyst, but for a few days there I was really faced with my own mortality, and that was certainly confronting.
“Then came the journey of consulting with a specialist, which was a rollercoaster of cautious optimism and a little fear, as I had to have quite an invasive surgery.
“Ultimately, came the day of finding out that they couldn’t find any sperm, and never would. I received this call three hours after my surgery. I’ll never forget that day, as I pretty much had a breakdown. Even though it wasn’t completely unexpected, I had a lot of hope that they would find something.”
Facing grief, finding hope
Infertility can feel incredibly isolating. Were there moments that really tested you, and how did you pull yourself through?
“Yep, the day and months following that call were the most testing of my life. I went through every emotion possible over the next few months: anger, depression, fear, you name it. Thankfully, I have an incredible wife who stuck by my side. I also have to give credit to my meditation practice. It’s what I do for a living, and geez, did it come in handy during this period of my life.”
Navigating the journey together
How did you and your partner navigate those early conversations and emotions?
“We made a decision early on to be really honest with each other, even when the emotions were messy or uncomfortable. We kept reminding ourselves that, whatever happened, we were in this together. No diagnosis or outcome could take away the fact that we had each other. That became our anchor. In fact, it probably even brought us closer, because through this test we really saw that we have each other’s backs.”
Choosing a donor and building a family
Was using a sperm donor something you considered early on?
“It definitely took me a few months to even start considering alternatives, because I was still coming to terms with my own situation. But gradually, as we talked, reflected, and stayed connected to what mattered most, we started to discuss other options like adoption or finding a donor. We found adoption information was limited, and once we started the donor process, we realised it probably wasn’t for us. Thankfully, finding our own donor worked out and we’re now excited to welcome a baby girl.”
How did you go about choosing a donor?
“This whole process was another wild ride. We had to do some mandatory counselling, which, while sometimes helpful, was quite confronting. The Australian donor system needs a lot of work. Essentially, you join a waitlist and, when new donors are released, you compete online in real time against others. It felt unsettling and transactional.
“Ultimately, the answer had been close to home all along. There is no one genetically closer to me than one of my brothers, so I had a very honest chat with him and made sure there was absolutely no pressure. He knew what we had gone through and was honoured to help us. We are forever grateful. It allowed us to move forward more comfortably as we know who the donor is, and our daughter will know who he is, which helps mitigate some of the challenges that can arise for donor-conceived children.”
Speaking up about male infertility
Men don’t often speak openly about infertility. Did you feel pressure to stay silent?
“Many men rarely speak up about their emotions. It took me months to speak publicly about this. However, when the dust settles, it shows strength to share these topics. Otherwise, how will other men, partners, and families know how to navigate such situations?
“I didn’t feel pressure to stay silent. I’m confident in who I am and what I stand for; I just needed clarity first. Fertility challenges are more common than people think, so it’s an important topic. Britt and I had many people reach out when we went public saying they were in a similar situation and felt alone, but are happy to see it being spoken about more.”
Staying grounded through it all
Were there rituals, mindfulness tools or support networks that helped?
“My wife and I felt it was best to navigate this journey mostly between just the two of us. Even with supportive friends and family, constant discussion can keep you ‘in it’ too much. We wanted sanity and normality, so we focused on work and our own lives.
“My meditation practice helped enormously. I could sit with grief without being overwhelmed, let go of the story of how things ‘should’ have been, and make space for a new version of what could be.”
Ready for fatherhood
You’re about to become a dad, how are you feeling?
“Yep, all of the above! More excited than anything. It’s been four years since we started this journey, so we’re ready to expand our little family. Our daughter has started kicking and growing, it’s fascinating to watch. I’m stoked to have the opportunity.”
Do fertility challenges change how you think about being a dad?
“It has made me more appreciative and grateful for the honour of being a dad. Little moments feel so precious because we’ve faced life’s fragility firsthand.”
Talking donor conception and stigma
How will you explain donor conception to your child?
“We want to be upfront and honest. When she’s old enough to understand, we’ll discuss it openly. It’s just as much her story as it is ours.”
Do you feel the stigma around male infertility is shifting?
“There’s not a stigma around infertility itself, but around men talking about emotions. Sharing struggles helps others going through something similar. The donor system also needs better regulation, which I’ve spoken about publicly.”
Looking back and advice for others
If you could speak to yourself at the start, what would you say?
“Hold on mate! You’re in for a wild ride. Your identity will be challenged, your emotions tested, and your future flipped upside down. But it will make you stronger and more resilient.”
Any misconceptions about male infertility?
“That it’s usually a woman’s issue. Male infertility is just as common but often overlooked. It deserves understanding and open conversation.”
Advice for partners, friends, or family?
“For couples: stay honest, patient, and connected. For family and friends: give space but be ready to listen. Your support can make a huge difference.”
Australia’s first male infertility guidelines
Healthy Male has released the country’s first guidelines for male infertility, creating a national standard for evidence-based care.
For the first time, fertility specialists have a clear framework to assess, diagnose and manage male infertility, a factor often overlooked in reproductive health.
Male infertility contributes to 1 in 4 cases of assisted reproduction in Australia and may play a role in up to 50% of infertile couples.
The guidelines are a valuable resource for specialists, GPs and couples, helping improve care for men and giving couples trusted information to advocate for themselves.
