Ask the Village: “My husband wants more kids but I’m a ‘one and done’ mama”
"We always talked about having two or three children..."
How do you know when your family is complete? It’s a question many couples find difficult to answer.
Several factors can come into play when deciding to have another child. From fertility issues to finances to one partner wanting to expand the brood, while the other is happy with the status quo.
A member of our Practical Parenting Facebook community is currently struggling with this tough decision and asked for advice from others who have been in the same boat.
“I have a 2yo daughter who I love with all my heart,” she begins. “My husband is keen for us to start trying for our second child but I’m not ready.”
She then went onto explain: “In fact, I think I’m a ‘one and done’ mama. My husband and I always talked about having two or three children and I think it will break my hubby’s heart if I tell him I don’t want any more kids. Has anyone else been in the same situation or have any advice for me?”
“I think I’m a ‘one and done’ mama.”
Over 170 comments were left on the post, with other mums sharing advice and their own stories of how and when they knew their family was complete.
“I come from a good size family and my husband does too. I was fully traumatised with my pregnancy-delivery (still the only one), but I would like for my son to have a sibling and that’s why I will go for more kids. To me, pregnancy wasn’t a romantic stroll. I had stuff going on that were very difficult and I was in a decent shape. So, whatever you decide, remember that listening to your gut feeling is the best thing you can do for yourself,” advised one commenter.
Another added: “I thought the same with one and ended up having a second with a 5 1/2 year gap. I love my son to death but geez it’s hard. He is a full on kid and my daughter and son fight like cats and dogs. My daughter being older is not interested in anything he’s doing and doesn’t give him the time of day. My only regret is I didn’t have them closer to have a stronger bond. (I know it may not have happened but I can’t help to wonder.)”
“I WAS a one and done mumma,” began one commenter. “Hubby kept suggesting and making mentions here and there. It took 5 years of this for me to even entertain it. I conceived my 2nd child rather quickly. Looking back, I’m so glad I agreed. My son is such an awesome big brother. I’ve also been advised that you never regret having a child, you always regret the children you don’t have. I’m so proud that I have 2 beautiful kids and can definitely say we are done now. As much as my 2 kids argue, they undoubtedly love each other very very much.”
Another suggested the ‘one and done mama’ give it a little more time: “Maybe have a little breather and do things for yourself eventually you may come around longing to have one more as a companion for your daughter and just communicate with your husband. Your hubby sounds like a very loving and understanding one.”
A lot of the advice suggested an open and honest conversation with her hubby was needed.
“Tell him exactly what you said here. You’re not ready and you don’t know if you want any more… then tell him why. He doesn’t have to carry, birth, or be attached to the child like you,” advised one member.
Another offered: “Honest and open communication between you both is the way to go always. Maybe you are done or maybe you need more time, you can both decide that together when your both ready.”
While knowing when your own family is complete is different for every couple, we hope this advice from our parenting community helped our original poster.
