I’m a mum of seven and labels like ‘FAFO’ and ‘gentle’ parenting styles don’t work for my family
Forget ‘gentle’, ‘free-range’ or ‘FAFO’ parenting styles. This mum of seven says labels are missing the point. Here’s what really matters when raising kind, capable kids.
By Melanie Gallagher
When you have seven kids, people love to ask what your “parenting style” is.
These days, it feels like you’re meant to pick a lane. Maybe you’re a “gentle” parent who focuses on empathy and calm communication, a “free-range” parent who encourages independence early, or a “koala” parent who stays close and protective. Or the newest one doing the rounds on social media: “F*** Around and Find Out” (FAFO) parenting, where kids are expected to learn lessons through natural consequences.
They all have merit, but honestly none of these labels really work for a family like mine.
Seven kids, seven personalities = different parenting styles
My kids range in age from 10 to 25, and after more than two decades of parenting I can confidently say there’s no parenting style that can work for that many personalities and life stages! What works for one child doesn’t necessarily work for another, and what resonates for a child at 10 definitely doesn’t work when they’re 18.
Some days I’m more patient and gentle. Other days it’s a bit more “learn from the consequences.” Most of the time it’s somewhere in between. With a big family, you’re constantly adjusting depending on the child and the moment.
That’s why the current obsession with parenting labels feels a bit off the mark to me.
The pressure Aussie parents are feeling
It turns out a lot of parents feel the same pressure. New research from family connection platform Life360 and money management app Spriggy found two in three Aussie parents (63%) feel judged for how they raise their kids, with the pressure to “pick a side” often coming from older family members (42%), social media (29%) or other parents (27%).
But when you look beyond the labels, parents actually agree on far more than they disagree on. The same research found the top qualities parents want to instill are kindness and empathy, responsibility and good decision-making. That’s exactly what I want for my kids too.
Raising independent kids in a modern world
In our house, the focus has always been helping our kids gradually build independence. But in 20 years of parenting, one thing has changed dramatically: how we use technology to help us navigate those milestones.
When my older kids were little, you mostly had to trust your gut and hope everything would be okay. Now there are tools that give parents reassurance while still allowing kids the freedom to grow.
Why age 12 is a big shift
Interestingly, families across the country tend to reach these milestones at the same time. The Life360 and Spriggy research shows 12 is the most common age for a child’s first phone, house key and experience managing their own money. From my own experience I know that the move to high school at that age is a major shift. It’s when kids start stepping out into the world a little more on their own – exciting for them, but a bit nerve wracking as a parent!
How tech can support (not replace) parenting
We’ve used technology to make that transition easier in our house. We started using Spriggy with my older kids when they were learning about pocket money, and now I use it with my youngest too. It gives them the freedom to manage their own spending and saving while I can still guide them along the way, and teach them the value of money in a supportive environment.
More recently we started using Life360 after my eldest daughter introduced it to the family. No one wants to feel like they’re constantly worried about checking up on their kids, but it’s had the opposite effect – it’s helped me step back with confidence.
There was one moment when one of my daughters got lost in the city and panicked. Instead of rushing in, I could quickly see where she was, contact a nearby sibling and make sure she was safe while she figured out how to get home.
For me, tools like these aren’t about control. They’re about confidence – for both parents and kids.
Forget parenting styles, this is what really matters
After raising seven kids, I’ve learned there’s no single parenting formula. Every child is different. Every stage is different. Sometimes you just have to trust your instincts, and make use of the tools at your disposal to help you on the journey.
So if there’s one label I’d choose, it’s simply this: raising kind, capable and independent humans. The rest is just noise.
