For some, Mother’s Day is beautiful. For others, it’s really hard

How to hold space for yourself, or someone else, on a Mother’s Day that doesn’t feel easy.

Scroll through your socials or watch the ads and Mother’s Day gets wrapped up in a very specific kind of story. The perfect breakfast tray. The handwritten cards. The smiling family photo where no one was arguing five minutes before it was taken. And sure, that version exists. But it’s not the only one.

Mother’s Day can be beautiful for some, and really hard for others, sometimes both at once. For those grieving, navigating fertility struggles, missing a child, dealing with a complicated relationship with their mum, or simply feeling unseen in their own motherhood, it can bring everything to the surface in ways that are hard to prepare for.

And then there are mums in the thick of it. The ones running on no sleep, stretched thin, wondering if they’re doing enough, being enough, holding enough together. All of them exist on the same day that Instagram tells us should look like cutesy moments in matching pyjamas, when that’s not real life at all.

So if your Mother’s Day feels anything other than “perfect,” you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just having a very human experience in a world that prefers the highlight reel.

This is where something simple matters more than anything else, checking in on each other. According to R U OK?, you don’t need perfect words or expert training. You just need to show up.

How to support someone who might be struggling

It’s best to start small. “Hey, how are you going today?” Or, “I was thinking of you, are you OK?” And then actually listen. Not the kind of listening where you’re waiting for your turn to speak, but the kind where you let someone take their time. Where you don’t rush to fix it.

Sometimes all you need to say back is, “That sounds really hard.” Or, “I’m really glad you told me.”

And if someone does open up, it’s not about having the answers. It’s about gently keeping the door open. Asking what’s helped them before. Asking how you can support them. Maybe even offering to help them find someone to talk to if it feels bigger than what you can hold alone.

Then check back in later. A message in a few days. A “thinking of you.” No big speech. Just being there.

The truth is, Mother’s Day can hold real joy, but it also needs room for everything else it might bring up. However today lands for you, let it be OK. Hold space for yourself if it feels tender, and show up gently for others who might be quietly struggling too.

If you or a loved one need support, Lifeline can provide a listening ear and telephone crisis support 24/7 on 13 11 14.