Why the best part of fatherhood is just showing up

A father of two on the small moments that matter more than getting fatherhood ‘right’.

By Dean Wright, father of 2 (@deanonvacation)

There is a quote that echoed in my mind throughout my partner’s first pregnancy, long before I actually understood it: Fatherhood is everything you can handle.

I didn’t truly grasp it until about three days into life with a newborn. Now, at 36, navigating life in Melbourne as a retail state manager and a dad to four-year-old Mila and six-month-old Bear, those words have become my daily mantra.

Right now, our household is deep in the trenches of early parenthood. If you’ve been there, you know the drill. Sleep is our currency, and lately, we are bankrupt. We are firmly in the phase where if the baby magically sleeps through the night, the four-year-old decides it’s the perfect time to wake up. On the rare occasion we all head to bed at 9pm and actually wake up with the sun, it feels like we’ve won the lottery.

Parenthood has pushed me to limits I never knew existed. I look back at my pre-kid life and laugh at what I used to classify as “busy” or “tired.” Every new stage asks something different of you, demanding a version of yourself you haven’t met yet.

But whenever the chaos threatens to take over, my partner and I anchor ourselves to one question… ‘how lucky are we?’

It’s an intentional perspective shift. Amid the exhaustion, raising these two amazing little humans is a profound privilege. And when you look closely, the rewards are everywhere.

There is a real success in paying attention… 

In my day job, success is measured by targets, checklists, and operational efficiency. When I first became a dad, I applied that same corporate mindset to parenting. I thought my job was to manage the logistics: fed, dressed, scheduled, repeat.

I was wrong.

The biggest parenting wins aren’t logistical, they are emotional. They don’t require a massive budget or an over the top itinerary. They just require you to pay attention to what matters to them. I was recently a winner of the a2 Gentle Gold®  Toddler Milk Drink, #EveryWinCounts competition sharing a recent parenting win of mine. It really got me to sat down and look at how I wanted to measure success. The simpleness of moments are the biggest wins, like when my daughter says ‘I love you’ to her baby brother. Those little wins are what matters.

The little wins are usually the ones you didn’t plan

Recently, it was taking Mila to a movie she had been talking about for weeks. It was a simple afternoon, just popcorn, the fun of a movie theatre and a chat. But afterward, she wrapped her arms around my neck, smiled a smile I had never seen before, and whispered, ‘I love you, Daddy.’

She wasn’t just excited about the movie. She felt heard.

We see it in our family traditions, too. Every birthday, we cover the lounge room floor in balloons overnight. Now that Mila is four, she is the one eagerly helping me set up the surprise for my partner, Emma. And nothing, absolutely nothing, prepared me for the moment I watched her gently hug her baby brother, Bear, telling him she loved him, completely embracing her role as a big sister. In that one split second, every single sleepless night of the last six months evaporated.

The moments you almost miss are often the ones you remember

If I could hop into a time machine and speak to the version of myself standing in the hospital corridor four years ago, I’d offer one piece of advice: you’re not in charge of her life, you’re in it.

Our kids don’t need us to be flawless project managers directing their futures. They need us to be present in their present. They need connection on their level.

The real magic of fatherhood isn’t found in the milestone events, it’s hidden in the mundane, ordinary cracks of daily life. It’s in cooking dinner together, grabbing a morning coffee, brushing our teeth side by side, filming silly videos just to watch them back and laugh, or exploring a new park on a weekend afternoon. 

Mila doesn’t want to just be taken care of; she wants to be involved. And it’s within those small, everyday rhythms that the real connection is forged.

Turns out, kids want everyday stuff

To the dads currently awake at 3 a.m. rocking a restless baby, or those trying to negotiate with a stubborn toddler after a long shift at work: you can handle this. Meet the moment. Switch the focus from managing the day to simply connecting within it and celebrate those little wins. 

Because those ordinary moments don’t just shape our children, if we let them, they shape us into the fathers we were meant to be.