New to Bounty?
If your wife is pregnant, here's a quick guide of what NOT to say to her over the nine months of her pregnancy – written by a Dad who's learned the hard way.
1. Don’t ask your wife if you can buy an old holden ute.
I can’t tell the future but I can tell you that her response will be, “Don’t be stupid”.
As a kind, loving and supportive husband, you should already know that every cent you’ve saved has now been (although this is an undiscussed decision) put aside for the purchase of a pram, (which as it goes, costs half as much as a car)…
Any money left over will go towards cots, car seats, baby clothes, nappies, wet wipes and among other things, a chewy giraffe thing named Sophie.
2. Don’t ask if there’s any chocolate or mint slices left.
Please see remark made from wife in point no. 1… "Don't be stupid."
Otherwise, her answer will be, “Yes, there’s one mint slice left in the fridge” (from the whole packet)… or that there's remnants (maybe two squares ) of what was once a whole block of chocolate.
3. Don’t say, ”Please don’t bounce around so much at night."
As you will find out, it’s not her fault, its just that she can't sleep… and, “the babies are making her do it.”
4. Don't ask about her day
You may be able to ask how her day was, pending a quick scan of the kitchen and living room. Do not proceed with this question if:
i. There is a stir fry of food on the floor, thrown there by the one-and-a-half year old toddler.
ii. If the toddler is screaming and is shoved in your face two seconds after walking in the door from work.
iii. If your wife passes you as you come in the door, leaving the toddler standing in the centre of the lounge room, with you as the only one there to console him… She’s gone for a walk.
5. Don't ask where your clothes have gone
If some of your most comfortable (and worn-in) clothes are missing from your wardrobe, don’t ask your wife where they are.
Sure enough they’ll be in the laundry because she's been wearing them. There's also a few new stains on them. Don’t mention these… her baby bump gets in the way of everything.
6. Don't complain that you're tired
You can never ever be as tired as your wife. Don’t even say that you are tired.
Even though you're working a full-time job and have been woken up every time there’s a teething complaint from the toddler, or there’s been a projectile vomit.
If you do mention your fatigue you’ll be told that you're not growing two babies. And then you’ll also find out that you’ve been pushed to the back of the food line. All the tasty leftovers from dinner will go to the toddler because he ate a bowl-full at dinner and went for seconds.
Yes, lots of things do change with the onset of fatherhood.
Amongst all of this, there are moments of simple joy.
Like when you sneak in the door once you're home from work to hear your little lad laughing away with his mum in the bedroom.
Even better is when you can run through that doorway and pull a big wrestling move on your toddler (exerted to a baby-tamed level) and he goes berserk, laughing his head off with the biggest smile.
All the other small things fade away to leave in that room, warm, content hearts.
Written by Ross Morley. For more from The Morleys visit their blog, Floyd-Henry Morley and follow their parenting journey on Facebook.