Melissa Doyle on toxic beauty standards and navigating social media with kids

As someone who’s spent years on our television screens, presenter and mother-of-two Melissa Doyle understands how unachievable beauty standards portrayed on social media can be toxic for young girls and boys.

According to research from the Dove Self-Esteem Project, 52 per cent of young girls constantly check how they look in photos and wished they looked better and 48 per cent said they often wished they looked like someone else.

At the Dove #DetoxYourFeed event, Melissa spoke to Bounty Parents about how social media has transformed our relationship with our appearance and in turn our mental health and how she navigates parenting and social media with her children, Natalia, 19 and Nick, 22.

What advice can you share about parenting in the social media age?

From personal experience as a mum, it is about being transparent with your children and having honest conversations about what is authentic and what is not, what influencers are considered aspirational and why.

I make sure that they understand that idealised beauty concepts are always going to exist, it’s about navigating this landscape with the understanding of what is going to be harmful to their self-esteem and what makes them feel good about themselves. I advise them to remove or block content that doesn’t make them feel positive and reinforce the importance of connecting with people and content that are more uplifting, diverse and positive.

I also talk about how they can post things that reflect their personalities, favourite activities and interests rather than things related to their looks.

What guidelines did you have in place for social media usage during the teen years for your kids?

I didn’t have rules and restrictions in place besides not letting them spend too many hours on their phones and setting screen time limits.

I’ve also always encouraged them to take breaks from social media if they feel overwhelmed or are not enjoying it. And reinforced the importance of doing things such as going for a walk, catching up with a friend, or getting them to do activities that they enjoy.

Why are you supporting Dove campaign and what role do you think the #DetoxYourFeed movement will play in boosting the self-confidence of young people?

This campaign really struck a chord as someone who has been in the public eye for years and has seen the effect of toxic beauty advice in the media – as a mother, I feel a sense of duty to educate my kids as to what is real and what is fake online, so they can use their judgment as to what advice is beneficial to them and what is toxic.

Our children are some of the most vulnerable and susceptible to toxic social media trends and it is important parents have these conversations with their kids and have the tools available to make a positive, healthy impact on their lives.

Brands are really at the forefront of young girls internal messaging, they govern what is socially acceptable and what’s not – Dove is not only championing the need to ditch these dangerous ideals, they’re providing achievable steps and solutions to help girls and young teens identify the harmful content and how they can safely remove this toxicity from their social feeds.

How can parents help kids to have a positive and healthy experience with social media?

Everything starts with having an open conversation with your kids about social media, talking through the techniques and tools people use to edit their images. I tell not only my daughter but also her friends that the ‘perfect’ image is heavily controlled, and I make sure they know that none of them are spontaneous or natural.

It’s also important to talk about ways to use social media more purposefully to connect and interact with other people. And as I’ve mentioned, remind them to unfollow accounts that don’t make them feel good.

When it comes to advertisements and influencers, it can be hard to spot what’s an ad and what’s not. So, I recommend scrolling through your child’s social media feed together and practicing spotting posts that show sponsored content and those that don’t.

Within the Dove Confidence kit there is a full step-by-step guide with great tips on how to help your kids to have a positive experience with social media. I highly recommend parents to have a look at it.

Can you talk more about the importance of healthy and positive social media use and how you encourage your daughter to follow these behaviours?

All of us can have moments of low self esteem when surrounded by so much imagery – it’s hard enough when you’re a grown up, but even more difficult for young people who are struggling to understand the world and still take things at face value.

I encourage my daughter to follow people and content that will bring her joy and mute or block content that impacts her sense of self-worth. She also understands that spending lots of time passively scrolling can make us feel lonely and disconnected, so I’m constantly encouraging her to learn a new skill, do things that make her happy, being with her friends, etc.

I also always remind her that she shouldn’t seek validation from others when posting things via likes, comments etc. We are constantly talking about things that she sees on social media and the importance of using it to connect and interact with people in a positive way. We also talk about positive aspects of social media such as following inspiring contents/influencers, learning a new skill, and ways she can use it as a tool to express herself.

Sign the petition! Dove is working with the Butterfly Foundation to gather petition signatures to encourage the Australian governement to undertake a national inquiry into body image. You can sign the petition here.